


Chords

by bisteve



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: But also not, Drug Addiction, Lots of Crying, Mental Health Issues, Multi, addict!keith, broganes, hip hop typical homophobia, lots of holding people while they cry, lots of ships ok, multiple POVs, musicians au, punk rock shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 19:09:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13417755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisteve/pseuds/bisteve
Summary: Keith kogane felt the most alive on stage. He doesn't care how cliche it was, because it was true. He lived for the rush of performing, and no high he’d ever felt could beat it. The best highs alway have the worst comedowns, and there was no comedown worse than after he ended a show. All Keith could do was compensate. To stop the mess of insecurities, and the deep feeling of loss after the show from running him into the ground, Keith did any drug he could get his hands on.





	1. All of the lights

**Author's Note:**

> Fall out boy dropped mania tonight so since that album inspired a lot of these chapters I thought I'd drop this tonight.
> 
> These are non-linear chapters in the lives of the voltron musician squad

“Allura! Allura over here!” 

“I love you Allura!!”

“Allura marry me!” 

“Allura I’d die for you!”

The noise was all around her, washing over her in a deafening wave of screams. Allura could hear her name from every direction, the ocean of fans expanding as far as she could see. The camera flashes made it worse, making the crowd even more endless. 

“Fake! You’re a fake” 

Allura heard the spiteful cry through all the noise. Her head snapped around looking for the voice. She knew her careful expression had disappeared. She imagined that her face looked like someone who had been on the wrong end of a jump scare. 

“Fucking fake!” The voice continued its cries. Before Allura could charge into the crowd to root out the owner of the voice, she was rescued. 

“Just smile and wave Allura. Their opinions don't matter.” Lance curled his arm around her waist and gave his brilliant smile to the press. The cameras went wild. Any chance Allura had of finding the culprit disappeared behind the flashes. 

“What are you doing Lance?” She demanded. She didn't pull away from him, a choice that would no doubt be picked apart in the trashiest of tabloids in the morning. 

“You’re not a fake Allura. They just want to take away from your success, and I’m not going to let anyone do that.” Lance said as he continued to smile and wave at the paparazzi. 

Allura looked at him. “Thank you Lance. It would have been quite the story though.”

Lance laughed. “Pop Princess Allura dives into the crowd to beat a heckler at the season's hottest award show.” 

“You know what they will be running through? Another story on the secret love between up and coming rapper Lance and your so-called pop princess,” she replied. 

“Up and coming! Allura how could you wound me so!” Lance said, giving her a dramatic expression.

Allura just ignored him and smiled. “Fine. ‘Rap  _ legend _ Lance Mcclain, and reigning queen of pop are hiding their secret romance from the world.’ Better?” 

“Well,” Lace said as they moved further down the carpet, “We could always make the rumours true…” He shot her an obvious wink.

“As flattered as I am by your heroic rescue Lance…” 

“Say no more, my princess.” Lance gave her a winning smile. He dropped his hand from her waist and took her wrist. “Consider my offer, my love.” He kissed her hand with as much grace and aplomb as he could muster.  

Allura couldn't help but laugh at Lanc’s antics. His continuous over dramatic proposals never failed to make her laugh. She curtsied to him, her hand still held in his. 

“My prince, how I wish I could accept, but alas I am to be wed to another!” 

Lance bowed to her with much flourish. “My lady. I will always wait for you.” With his final confession, Lance let go of her wrists and turned to leave. Allura watched him merge into the crowd of celebrities. 

She called after him. “Lance wait!” 

Before Allura could blink lance was back at her side. “Have you changed your heart so quickly?” 

“Lance.” Allura gave him a withering look.

“Sorry Allura. You did call me back after my confession of undying love.” 

Allura hesitated. She wasn't sure how to express to Lance what she was feeling. 

“I just want to say thank you, Lance. For helping me, you know how much I hate these things and-”

“Allura. I know I can be silly sometimes, but I’m your friend.” Lance looked straight at her, the dramatic flare gone. “No one should talk about you like that. You're amazing, and you've earned everything you have. Ok?” 

Allura was surprised at how serious Lance had become. “Yes, Lance I understand. Just thank you for being there for me.” 

Lance threw his arm around her and smiled again. “Anytime Princess, anytime.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow my [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/bisteve_a03) for updates and fan art!


	2. Don't tell me the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of these chapters will be short, but the tradeoff is that there will be more of them. :)

“You hooked up with Lance.” 

It was an accusation, not a question. Keith could feel the venom in Shiro’s voice eating at his skin. 

“No! I mean, it wasn't like that Shiro,” he said, desperate of convincing Shiro that what had actually happened wasn't the truth. He didn't know why he needed to make Shiro believe that. 

It wasn't as if he was obligated to tell Shiro the truth. He didn’t owe Shiro anything.

“Well do you want to explain to me what it  _ was _ like?” Shiro had his arms crossed across his chest. He wasn't yelling, which made Keith feel even worse.  

“Why should I?” Keith said. 

Shiro opened his mouth, closed it, the opened it again. “Why should you- You know what forget it, Keith. Do what you want.” Shiro threw up his hands in defeat. 

“Ok! I will then. I don't see why you care anyway.” Keith said. 

“I don't!” 

“Good!”

“Fine!” Keith glared at Shiro. “I don’t know what your problem with Lance is anyway.” 

Shiro’s face was incredulous. “I don’t have one! You do. Or you did anyway. What happened to that?” 

Keith rolled his eyes. “Come on you know that’s all just tabloid bullshit.” 

Shiro dragged his hand down his face. “Just watch out Keith. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.” 

“I’ll be sure not to. Are you done lecturing me now?” Keith said. 

Now Shiro was the one rolling his eyes. “Whatever Keith. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”  

Hours after Shiro had left, Keith was still wondering why he felt like he’d done something wrong. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow my [twitter](https://twitter.com/bisteve_a03) for updates!


	3. You're the last of a dying breed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really proud of this one :)

Keith felt the most alive on stage. He doesn't care how cliche it was, because it was true. He lived for the rush of performing, and no high he’d ever felt could beat it. The best highs alway have the worst comedowns, and there was no comedown worse than after he ended a show. All Keith could do was compensate. To stop the mess of insecurities, and the deep feeling of loss after the show from running him into the ground, Keith did any drug he could get his hands on. He liked pills, because he could take them before the show, and feel less afterwards, but they took the edge off the performance high. He liked coke, but there was no way he could perform like that. Usually he’d do both, just to break even. Two xanax before the show to stop him from crashing after, then two more at intermission because if he took to many at once he didn’t get the same rush from the stage. After the show ended, Keith would do a line, and go meet some fans. He used to hate signing things, and listening to people tell him his music saved their lives. It wasn’t so bad anymore, maybe because after hearing people scream they loved him, he’d started believing it. After the show was over and the people were gone, Keith would try to keep his energy up with his crew. They’d pass around a blunt, or go get drinks, but it was never enough. Nothing was ever really enough to fill the void though. Everyone was tired, and Keith would slip away. He’d go back to his trailer, and he’d use anything he could. Just to take the edge off. At least that’s what he told himself.

That night had been bad. It had been a big show, and that always meant a bigger crash. Keith hadn’t bothered with pretense, and went straight to the shitty arena bathroom to bump a line. His crew tried to get him to come with them to a bar, but Keith begged out saying he was going to sleep. By “going to sleep” he meant doing more lines of anything he could crush into a powder. Keith wasn’t above cutting his shit with advil. He put on his headphones, and would write lyrics, or draw, or do anything to keep him going. He didn’t sleep. Keith wouldn’t stop moving until he would pass out in the middle of whatever he was doing.

Shiro found him like that. Keith came to with Shiro’s face in his, both his hands gripping Keith’s shoulders. He felt like shit, his body still dirty from performing. His mouth was dry and his head was pounding. He couldn’t even tell if he was still high or on the comedown yet.

“Keith! Keith, man wake up!”

Keith didn’t want to. Shiro sounded angry, and he hated fighting with Shiro more than anything. Shiro kept shaking him though, so Keith opened his eyes to prove he was awake.

“What the hell Keith!” Shiro’s face was angry, and he sucked in a deep breath, probably to continue berating Keith. Keith closed his eyes again. He didn’t want to deal with this. He heard Shiro let out his breath, and his hands went from tense to gentle. “Let’s get you some water ok?”

Keith peeked at Shiro through his lashes. His face still looked angry, but now it looked concerned too. Keith hated that even more.

Keith tried to stand. “I’m fine Shiro. I don’t-

“Keith let me help.” Shiro put his arms under Keith to help pull him up, but Keith shoved him away.

“Shiro stop! I said I'm fine!” Keith stood up and straightened his shoulders. He looked Shiro in the eye. “I don’t need any help.”

“Yes you fucking do Keith! You need some serious help!” The angry set of Shiro’s jaw had returned, and he met Keith’s stare with full force. “You need help Keith, you need to accept that.”

“ _What?”_ Keith took a step towards Shiro, but the world moved with him instead of staying where it was supposed to, and Keith almost fell. Shiro reached out to catch him. Keith shoved him away and stumbled, his back hitting the bathroom door.

“I don’t need help Shiro. Thanks for the offer. You can get the fuck out now.”

“What day is it Keith?”

“What?”

“What day is it?”

Keith sighed, and ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t know? Wednesday? Who cares?”

Shiro glared at him. “When did you last eat?”

“What the fuck is this Shiro, twenty questions?” Keith was getting angrier now. Shiro didn’t have any right to come at him like this.

“Answer the goddamn question Keith!” Shiro was getting angry too, tension in his crossed arms.  

“Who cares when I ate?!”

“Me Keith! I fucking care! You can’t do this to yourself, you can't live like this!” Shiro shouted, gesturing with both hands to the unkempt state of the trailer, then to Keith.

“Like what huh?” Keith was suddenly aware of how bad this looked. He wasn’t going to back down from this, but part of him knew Shiro was right. He’d passed out on the floor sometime last night on his way to the bathroom. The carpet had left imprints on his bare chest and face. There was shit everywhere, pill bottles and beer cans on the floor. Keith probably had coke dust on his nose.

Shiro was giving him a look. Keith couldn’t tell exactly what he was thinking, but he knew Shiro was deciding something.

“Keith,” Shiro paused and sighed. He looked around the room like he was looking at crime scene evidence.  “Keith, you’re an addict.”

Keith couldn’t help it. He laughed. He threw his head back and laughed until his ribs hurt and he started coughing. Shiro put a hand on Keith’s back to steady him.

“This was what you’re on? That I’m an addict or whatever? Damn Shiro, you really had me going for a second there.” Keith shook his head and smiled. Shiro didn’t say anything, his eyes narrow.

“Look I get you’re mad, man. I’m sorry if I blew you off last night, but you know how I get after a show that big,” Keith said. He patted his jeans for his lighter, and found his pack of cigarettes. He offered Shiro one, but Shiro still didn’t move.

Keith was starting to get uncomfortable. Shiro was just staring at him, like he was waiting. Keith took a drag, and blew the smoke at Shiro. The smoke drifted in the silence. Keith finished his cigarette.

“Look, Shiro. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I’m not an addict!” Keith kept talking as he went to sit on his bed. “Doing drugs doesn’t make someone an addict,” he said pulling a pipe from his bedside stand. “Come on, everyone we know does drugs!” He opened his grinder and packed his bowl. His hands were shaking, and he dropped some of the weed. “I don’t see you in Matt’s trailer waking him up, and telling him he’s a fucking addict!” Keith flicked open his lighter and took a hit. “Really, Shiro I’m fine, you don’t need to look so worried.” Keith put on his best smile, and held out the bowl for Shiro. “Want some?”

Shiro stood in the doorway, silent. He was still looking at Keith like he was waiting for something. Keith didn’t know what he was waiting for, and it was making him frustrated. He took another hit.

“What the fuck do you want from me Shiro,” Keith demanded. “That I’ll do less drugs? You want me to clean my trailer? I can do that. What does it matter though? It’s not like it affects my life.” Keith held out his hands, trying to say _Is that enough? Is that what you want?_

“No Keith! That’s not-” Shiro snapped. “For fucks sake, do you even know what time it is?”

After all the quiet staring, Keith was startled by Shiro’s outburst. “No, Shiro I don’t know what fucking time it is.”

“It’s five in the morning Keith. It's five in the fucking morning.”

“You woke me up at five am Shiro? What the hell do you-

“Keith listen!” Shiro’s glare booked no argument. “It’s five am and you're already getting high. The first thing you do when you wake up is get high.”

Keith looked down at the pipe in his hands. The weed had spilled on his jeans in his outburst, leaving only resin in the empty bowl. The look Shiro was him giving was unbearable. It was the look you give some dumb kid when you tell them their cat had to go live on a farm. Like the adults knew better or something. Like they weren’t the ones who had run the cat over in the driveway in the first place.

“You know what, Shiro? FUCK you,” Keith said. He felt the anger pulse inside him, and chucked the bowl across the room. He heard it hit the wall and break. He didn’t care. Keith got right in Shiro’s face. He was gonna make Shiro understand, real quick, that Keith did not. Need. Help.

“How dare you come in here and tell me what the fuck is going on in my life? Like you fucking know? How _dare_ you come in here, and call me an addict, like I’m some fucking street hobo! Get the _fuck_ out of my trailer before I make you Shiro, and don’t EVER come back.”

Keith’s chest was heaving. He was right in Shiro’s face, their noses touching. He looked right into Shiro's eyes, challenging him.

Shiro took the challenge. “I know you don’t want to admit it Keith,” Shiro said. His voice was a growl, filled with anger. “You need to listen to me for once in you goddamn life. You. Are. An. ADDICT.? Ok? Can you please admit that?” Shiro was yelling now. “You can’t do this to yourself, you have too many people who care about you to throw away everything you’ve done! For once act like you’re fucking grateful for all of this! It’s like you don’t care about all the hard work everyone's putting into this damn tour!”

Keith didn’t even know he was moving, before he felt his first hit something, and saw Shiro's expression. His vision was blurry with anger. There was a pause, and then Shiro’s weight crashed into Keith. The two of them went tumbling onto the bed, and it was free for all, Shiro trying to pin Keith down, and Keith trying his best to hurt Shiro as much as he could.

“Keith! Keith stop-” Shiro's yelling was interrupted by Keith’s elbow in his face. Keith was yelling too, not with words, just anger and pain. After an intense but one sided scramble, Shiro had Keith pinned to the mattress.

“Keith listen!” Shiro’s face was bleeding, and the drops of blood were all Keith could look at. He felt a sudden and intense guilt. _He’d_ done that. Shorp was his best friend in the whole fucking world, and Keith had punched him. He struggled to pull in a breath with Shiro’s weight on his chest. He was wheezing from the fight, exhausted even from a short struggle. His breath caught in his throat and he started to cry.

It came out of nowhere, but Keith’s body was a wreck, the adrenaline had him all fucked up. He couldn't help the sobs that came out. He was lying there pinned to his bed, fists gripping Shiro's shirt, just sobbing his eyes out. He couldn't stop. The pressure on his chest lifted, and Shiro wrapped Keith in his arms, all the fight gone out of him. They sat there for a long time, Shiro holding Keith. Keith holding Shiro. He cried into Shiro’s chest not knowing why, or what was happening. He didn't feel angry anymore. He didn't feel anything but scared. Shiro ran his hand through Keith’s hair like he used to when they were kids and Keith got scared.

“I’m sorry I hit you,” Keith said. He sniffled, and wiped his eyes. He felt terrible. His chest hurt from crying, and each breath was ragged.

“It’s ok Keith. I didn’t mean to…” Shiro paused. “I’m sorry too. I just want you to be okay Keith. I care about you a lot, and I’m worried that you're gonna go too far with all of this.”

“Do you really think I’m an addict?” Keith asked. He knew what Shiro’s answer would be, but he wanted a chance to hear otherwise.

“Yeah Keith I do. And I can only say that because I was one. I probably still am too.” Shiro ran his hand through his tuft of white hair. “I don’t want you to end up like how I was.”

“That was different!” Keith protested. “You were going through some shit. I don’t- I don’t have any excuse for this.”

“Come on Keith! You know that’s not how life works. I didn’t mean what I said before. You do work hard, and I know you don’t take any of this for granted. But sometimes I feel like you don’t care that you could lose everything you’ve worked for.”

Keith looked down at his hands. He felt sick. Sick with guilt and fear.

“Just promise me you’ll try to cut back okay? And eat something one and a while okay? Everyone's worried about you. We all care Keith.”

Keith didn’t look up. “I’ll try.” His voice came out hoarse, and he hated how weak it made him sound.

Shiro stood up and stretched. “Well I’m beat as hell. I guess rockstars really do party dusk ‘till dawn.” He smiled. “Why don’t we get some breakfast later okay? Pancakes or something.”

Keith nodded. The thought of eating made him nauseous, but it would make Shiro feel better.

Keith watched Shiro leave. He stood in the doorway of his trailer a long time before going turning to the floor to search for the broken pieces of his pipe. He hadn’t meant to break it. He’d had that pipe for a long time. Holding the pieces in his hand, Keith thought about everything Shiro had said. Maybe he _was_ an addict.

That night was the first time Keith thought about stopping. He stood there with his pipe in his hands and realized that all he wanted in that moment was another hit. He didn’t even care what it was. Maybe this wasn’t what he needed. Keith didn’t know what the answer was, and he wasn’t about to find it. He was tired.

Keith crawled into bed at 5:20 in the morning, and for the first time in months, he fell asleep all on his own. 


	4. I've got nothing to loose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith is in fight club lmao

“Holy shit Keith what happened to your face?” 

Lance’s voice is the first thing Keith hears when he walks into the hotel suite. Everyone turns to look at him. There’s a beat of surprised silence, then everyone descends onto Keith in a frenzy. Shiro gets there first, elbowing Lance and Pidge out of the way to get right in Keith’s face. 

“What happened to you? Are you alright?” There is concern all over Shiro's face. It makes Keith feel guilty. Pidge wriggles under Shiro’s arm to poke at Keith's cheek. Lance is on Keith’s other side, a not so gentle hand prodding at the cuts on Keith’s neck. 

“Back off dude,” Keith muttered, swatting Lance’s hand away. 

“Alright everyone that's enough.” Allura's voice cuts through the small entryway of the suite. “Move aside, I’ve got this.” 

“Allura are you sure you-” Allura shushes Shiro with a flick of her finger. She gently tilts Keith’s chin up, examining the damage on his face and neck. 

“Hand,” Allura demands, motioning for Keith to show them to her. 

“Allura I'm fine, I don’t need this. You’re all overreacting to this. I don't-”

“I said hands, Keith.” Allura repeats. Her tone books no argument. Keith lifts his hands up to show her the damage. 

Lance lets out a long white, and Hunk makes a strange yelping that sounds like him choking on food. Shiro’s eyes are glued to the damage, but Allura looks straight at him. 

“How could you let this happen Keith? You hands are destroyed.” 

She’s right. Keith's hands  _ are _ destroyed. Two of his fingers are broken, both purple and disfigured. The rest are bent, bruised and covered in blood. The fabric of Keith’s gloves is ripped, revealing severe cuts on his knuckles. Keith can feel how swollen they are. The rest of Keith’s body felt, if not looked as bad as his hands. He could feel both of his eyes swelling, he had a split lip and a cut on his cheek. The rest of his body would probably look like awful in the morning, but right now it just felt like he'd been dropped off a building onto broken glass. 

Keith has no idea just how bad it looks, but he knows how bad it hurts. He tries to pull his hands out of Allura’s grip, but she doesn’t let go. They both ignore Lance and Pidge asking what had happened, continuing to stare each other down. 

“Keith if you’ll just let me look at them -” Allura began. 

Her concern is too much for Keith. He rips his hands out of Allura’s, ignoring the pain in his wrists. 

“I said I was fine -

“You don’t  _ look _ fine Keith,” Lance says.

“-and I don't need you all hovering over me like some worried chickens ok?” Keith shoves past Allura and Shiro to the privacy of his room. He wants to be left alone. 

“Keith wait!” Shiro calls after him, but Keith is already slamming the door behind 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im on twitter at bisteve_a03


End file.
